This is my first episode. It’s an introduction episode.
I’ve decided to make this podcast because I’ve been searching for the most efficient and effective way for me to deliver the messages I have for the collective, and this is also a tool for processing and reflecting for me. I’ve been thinking about making a podcast for about a couple years, but I was afraid to create it out of fear of opposition, rejection, failure, confrontation, and self-doubt. But I’m here, acknowledging those fears and working with them to create something meaningful that is intended to help myself and other people. This podcast is a consciously-created compassionate service. This is about being authentic, vulnerable, and speaking my truth, and for everyone listening, I hope this teaches you how to become more authentic, vulnerable, and to speak your truth too. Thank you for listening to my podcast.
When we speak our truth, we take a huge leap toward liberating ourselves from anything that made us feel ashamed, guilty, angry, resentful, sad, fearful, or apathetic. Speaking our truth isn’t about ego or putting all of your attention on your own suffering. It’s a way to accept and validate the aspects of your life experience that want to be healed and released.
The context and the inspiration of this podcast is my exploration of adoptee experience, spiritual awakening, and empowerment journey.
I was an orphan once. It was my very first experience of this lifetime. I don’t consciously remember it though.
Just like how people ask, “if a tree falls in the forest, and no one’s there to hear it, does it still make a sound?” “if you have an experience, and you don’t remember it, do the vibrations of that experience continuously echo throughout your subconscious mind for the rest of your life?” Similar to “if a tree falls in the forest, and no one’s there to hear it, does it still make a sound?” “if an adoptee voices their pain to the world, and no one is there to listen to them, does that pain the adoptee expresses truly exist?”
I am not going to leave out the fact that the people around me objected my speaking out about my orphan and adoptee experience, because it made them feel uncomfortable. People need to hear this. Other adoptees out there that are afraid to tell their family members, their friends, the people in their lives that they are depressed, anxious, struggling, suicidal need to hear that the people in my life objected my experiences too. It sucked. It was shitty. It was hard. I can forgive them for being ignorant and fearful of the darkness that exists in adoption narratives. I can forgive myself for the times I didn’t do anything to express my hurt. But now I can do something about it.
I had to learn that only I could validate myself and my experiences. Loneliness was a very good teacher.
It is assumed that when an orphan is adopted by a new family, whether this family contains relatives or a group of strangers, that by being placed into this new family, the orphan stops being an orphan, and transforms into an adoptee. And has a chance at becoming a “normal child.”
Being adopted doesn’t necessarily make the orphan stop feeling like an orphan.
We know through psychological studies that the newborn phase to the first 2 years of a person’s life is the most crucial stage in development. It’s acknowledged that being an orphan is traumatic; however, once an orphan is adopted, and the orphan becomes an adoptee, that trauma and pain is ignorantly assumed to magically disappear. The adoptee must be able to openly and honestly express their emotions about what they experienced before they were adopted. I was not allowed to. I was very policed as a young person.
I’m overcoming the way that people used to tell me that I was ungrateful, spoiled, difficult, and overemotional. I’m overcoming the times I would get scolded and screamed at for crying. I’m overcoming how about a year ago, I started facilitating adoption trauma workshops in Boston, MA, and certain people would call me, text me, harass me about how speaking about my pain hurt them. And they would ask me “why can’t you just be happy?”
Well I can be happy. What makes me happy is that I get to say that I made it out of the most toxic and negative times in my life.
So what makes me happy is that I can share the hell that I’ve been through with other people.
What makes me happy is that I can tell people how I got out of it.
What makes me happy is that I can now feel joy, embrace and celebrate aliveness, because of all of it.
What makes me happy is that I get to help people now, because I learned how to help myself.
I want you to know that when you work through the things that are hard to work through, it’s so beautiful. It’s more beautiful than it is painful. That is a promise.
But being honest about who you are does not have to result in alienation. We no longer have to whisper.
We no longer have to censor and over-edit our words to be impactful. Your authenticity is your influence.
What makes me happy is that I can finally speak my truth. There is no shame. There is no guilt.
So I ask you beautiful souls and leaders of the self-love movement, are you going to walk this road with me?
Are you going to find it in yourself to transform your fear, your pain, your shame, your anger into courage? When you do that, you step into your power as an alchemist, a miraculous being with the ability to evolve and alter energy. Speaking openly and honestly about my experiences of spiritual awakening and empowerment – this makes me happy.
There was a time when I thought I would never smile, laugh, or feel happy ever again. But here we are.
You beautiful souls have the ability to shift yourselves out of the hell that you’re in. Your body might be full of anger, apathy, suppressed emotions that you’re afraid of acknowledging and releasing. You might have all of these negative self-limiting beliefs and false beliefs about yourself and other beings. But you can get yourself out of hell, because there was a way in.
And it all begins with one question: Are you tired of it?
Is there a secret part of you that has become comfortable and used to the very thing that you don’t want? If you’ve become addicted to the very behavior, thought patterns, beliefs, and feelings that are keeping you low, you’re going to have to acknowledge that.
I had to acknowledge that I am responsible for my current happiness. I define happiness is the ability to awaken gratitude and joy for the present moment. If you forget about what has happened and you stop focusing on what you think is going to happen or what you don’t want to happen in the future, and just zone in on where you are right now – can you have happiness right now? Is there something you can feel grateful for right now? Is there something you can smile or laugh about right now? Let’s start shifting. It gets easier the more you practice.
Thank you for listening today. You are loved so profoundly. Thank you for being here at this time to assist the evolution of humanity. Thank you for being a leader of the self-love movement. Remember Who You Really Are. Love always, and I’ll meet you at the next one.